there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
