I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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