Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
