she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
