I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
