the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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