you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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