my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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