it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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