Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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