so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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