Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
