He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
