Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
only you would photoshop your dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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