she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
