seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
