I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
