Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
