Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
