there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
