Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
