Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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