You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
