What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
