..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
