i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
