i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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