i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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