I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
