You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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