We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
