I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
