Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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