My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
