You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
