the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
where are you?
Hypothermia
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
