someone threw a dead crab at me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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