So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
