I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Someone signed my nipple.
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