We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
