she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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