She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
