; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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