So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
did i just pee glitter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
