I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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