I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
