I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
