Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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