im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
