Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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