when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
