your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
