i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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