oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
