piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
